my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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