I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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