Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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