it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
