I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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