I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
