As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
