i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
