I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize