her vagine was all disorganized.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
