We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
