I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
