Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
