He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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