I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
