he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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