now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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