Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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