he thought i was a dude.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
