Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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