Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
