I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
