Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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