I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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