Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize