if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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