I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
