after a month anything with tits is on the radar
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
