Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize