I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
