Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
