Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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