I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
