i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
