I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
