i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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