I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
