you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
