i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
