i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
