Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
