I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
