Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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