Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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