OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
