Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize