If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
