I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
