me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
