Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
