Redeem this text for a blowjob
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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