There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
