I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
should my penis look like a turkey
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
