My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
