We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
