he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
