trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
