I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
