What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We are two peas in an std pod
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
